Emotional Intelligence || “and how does that make you feel?”

FAST FACTS: 

  • Emotional intelligence is how well individuals identify and manage their own emotions and react to the emotions of others.
  • Emotional intelligence allows us to communicate better with others.
  • Self-awareness is fundamental to emotional intelligence.
  • Self-awareness refers to the ability to recognise and understand your own character, mood and emotions, and their effect on others.
  • Self-aware individuals are able to recognise their emotions as they occur.
  • Emotional intelligence is something you develop and requires continual improvement.

What is emotional intelligence? 

  • Emotional intelligence is how well individuals identify and manage their own emotions and react to the emotions of others.
  • It is understanding how those emotions shape your thoughts and actions so you can have greater control over your behaviour and develop the skills to manage yourself more effectively.
  • Becoming more emotionally aware allows us to grow and gain a deeper understanding of who we are, which thereby enables us to communicate better with others and build stronger relationships.
  • A key component of emotional intelligence is self-awareness, which is the ability to recognise and understand your own character, mood and emotions, and their effect on others.
  • Self-awareness includes a realistic self-assessment of what you’re capable of – your strengths and weaknesses – and know how others perceive you.
How to increase your self-awareness

1. 
Practice observing how you feel
Taking time to acknowledge how you feel about experiences is fundamental to improving your emotional awareness. Often we lead busy lives and it’s all too easy for us to lose touch with our emotions. if you ignore your feelings, you’re ignoring important information that has a big effect on your mindset and the way you behave. To reconnect, try setting a timer for points in the day. When the timer goes off, take a few deep breaths and notice how you’re feeling emotionally. Pay attention to where that emotion is showing up as a physical feeling in your body and what the sensation feels like.​
For example:

  • Stress might feel like a knot in your stomach
  • Sadness might feel like waking up with slow, heavy limbs.
  • Joy or nervousness might feel like butterflies in your stomach.

2. Observe how your emotions and behaviour are connected
While you’re practising your emotional awareness, take the time to notice your behaviour too. When you feel strong emotions, how do you react? Observe how you react when you’re experiencing certain emotions, and how that affects your day-to-day life.
For example:

  • Feeling embarrassed or insecure might cause you to withdraw from conversation and disconnect.
  • Feeling anger might cause you to raise your voice or angrily stomp away.
  • Feeling overwhelmed might cause you to panic and lose track of what you were doing, or cry.

3. Keep a diary
This is a great way to get an accurate gauge of yourself. Start by writing down what happened to you at the end of every day, how it made you feel and how you dealt with it. Documenting details like these will make you more aware of what you’re doing and will highlight where problems might be coming from. Periodically, look back over your comments and take note of any friends.

4. Acknowledge your emotional triggers
Self-aware individuals are able to recognise their emotions as they occur. It’s important to be flexible with your emotions and adapt them to your situation. Don’t deny your emotions stage time but don’t be rigid with them either, take the time to process your emotions before communicating them.

5. Question your own opinions
It’s easy to fall into an ‘opinion bubble’. This is a state of existence where your own opinions are constantly reinforced by people with similar views. Take the time to read the other side of the story and have your views challenged – even if you still feel they are right. This will help you understand other people and be more receptive to new ideas.

6. Take responsibility
Your emotions and behaviour come from you. If you feel hurt in response to something someone says or does, and you lash out at them, you’re responsible for that. They didn’t ‘make’ you lash out. Your reaction is your responsibility. Emotions and behaviour don’t come from anyone else and once you start accepting responsibility for how you feel and how you behave it will have a positive impact on all areas of your life.

7. A lifetime process
Understand and remember that emotional intelligence is something you develop and requires continual improvement; it’s very much a lifetime practice.